The Joys? Of Getting Older

[Sis]

ABC's of Aging

A is for arthritis,

B is for bad back,

C is for the chest pains. Corned Beef? Cardiac?

D is for dental decay and decline,

E is for eyesight - can't read that top line.

F is for fluid retention

G is for gas (which I'd rather not mention and not to forget other gastrointestinal glitches)

H is high blood pressure

I is for itches, and lots of incisions

J is for joints, that now fail to flex

L is for libido

K is for my knees that crack all the time

M-memory or lapses of   

N is for nerve (pinched) and neck (stiff) and neurosis

O is for osteo-for all the bones that crack

P is for prescriptions, that cost a small fortune

Q is for queasiness or just the flu?  Give me another pill and I'll be good as new!

R is for reflux - one meal turns into two

S is for sleepless nights, counting fears on how to pay my medical bills!

T is for tinnitus - I hear bells in my ears  and the word "terminal" also rings too near

U is for urinary and the difficulties that flow (or not)

V is for vertigo, as life spins by

W is worry, for pains yet unfound

X is for X ray - and what one might find

Y is for year (another one I'm still alive).

Z is for zest For surviving the symptoms my body's deployed,And keeping twenty-six doctors gainfully employed.

[gospelgirl]

Do you have to remind us Sis?! Just proves your NOT 21 LOL
I'm 46 and Sis is OLDER than me!!!!!

[Sis]

Yeah, I'm 105. Went to Neanderthal High School, remember?

[gospelgirl]

yep I remember,actually I thought you were 106.

[Sis]

No, I used to say I was 21+++++.  One kid in chat asked me if that meant I was 26, adding the 5 + to the 21.  Another kid said, no, you multiply them. She's 105!

[Brother Dad]

Just a few more days and I will turn 50, September 21st.  I am excited.

[Sis]

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
----------

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a coke.'
----------

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'

[Newsman]

Those are funny, Lady Sis.. I particularly liked the second.


John 

[Sis]

Thanx!

[nwlife]

I think sis has been recording the secret meetings of the EBC!

[Newsman]

Women aren't thinking I'm 28 anymore  

I have to settle when one thinks I'm 32...wait, if I make it to Halloween, I'll be 45!


John  

[Sis]

 Stevebert and Sisbert!

[The Purple Fuzzy]

A group of 40-year-old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there were very good looking.

Ten years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good, the wine selection was good also, and the waiters were cute.

Ten years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet, the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean, and the waiters were sweet boys.

Ten years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible, they even had an elevator, and the waiters were kindly.

Ten years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.           

[Newsman]

 

[upcchris]

From the Neverending Story:

Atreyu: Do you have a cold?
Morla, the Ancient One: No, we are allergic to youth.

[The Purple Fuzzy]

Doc needs sample:

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample and a stool sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

[awilkes05]

Lol!